Donald

I don’t know about Jessie, but this is probably going to be the only time I talk about the President-Elect-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
Donald Trump.
And that is going to be the only time I type out his name because his name is his brand and I would literally rather die than enforce that brand.
So Donald.
I didn’t talk about it much, because I signed a confidentiality agreement I’m not sure I really understood, but from July right up until the election, I worked for a political SuperPac that aimed to fight Climate Change. And while climate change is definitely a social issue it’s not really social justice so I didn’t really think too much about blogging about it here.
Really cool stuff happened in my time there: I met really passionate, like-minded people. I was given the opportunity to inform young voters on the issues and get them registered. This woman actually asked if she could hug me, nearly in tears, because she was so moved by what we were doing. It was very rewarding.
Except for the part, in the early hours of November 10, when the wrong candidate was declared president.
A couple of facts about me: I am very passionate. I believe very much in things. Like so much. And when I care about something, I have to throw everything I have into it. It’s why I co-run this blog. It’s why I spend so much time and emotions on television and films. It’s why I was very very good at getting people to register to vote. Because I cared. And it showed.
So imagine giving every part of yourself to a thing – every ounce of passion and fear and belief and faith – and then seeing it go the other way. Seeing the entire country (or the electoral colleges) telling you it doesn’t matter.
And then, the next day, being told it’s okay! It’s a set back! We just have to keep fighting!
KEEP FIGHTING?!
I had been fighting! For months! For years it felt like! I am tired. Physically and emotionally exhausted. Scared, anxious, depression flares, my friends are leaving because the job is over, I have to go home for the holidays to my parents who voted third party. And you’re telling me to just buckle up, we’re ride or die tonight? I’m at a point where I’m kind of at ‘die’ right now.
I will get my fight back, I know I will, but it would be so much easier if I could just shut it off for a little bit. Just get away. I used to be a Twitter monster but I have barely looked at it in the past three weeks because I can’t mentally deal with all of the #notmypresident stuff.
And that’s so my stuff! I would be so in this! I want to be! I care so much about this and I want to be doing everything I can but I… I just… I can’t right now. I don’t have enough in me.
And I’m telling myself it’s okay. I’m allowed to put myself first.
But it’s hard. It’s so hard.
This loss was a major hit. On me. On the entire LGBTQIA+ community. People of Color. People of Islam. Women. Children.
I’m making myself upset again.
The point is: yes, we should fight. We should fight and we should never normalize Donald and we should call neo-nazis what they are and we should never be complacent.
But I’m tired. So I’m going to take a break. Be back later.
-JM